He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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