I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
