I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
