This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
