Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
