she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
