So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
