Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
