but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
This baby is an asshole
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
