dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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