the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
