I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
