I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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