fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
