Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you win again, gameday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
