I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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