I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
