i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sorry about my life...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
