how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
