Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
