What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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