Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
