But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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