I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
