the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
