he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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