I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize