they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
