I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
