I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize