I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
A+ Viking dick
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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