i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
