Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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