i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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