rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
