Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
