i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
