summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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