we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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