You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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