Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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