Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
