you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
