saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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