if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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