Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
