I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
