sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
