As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
