every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
