omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
