i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
honey bunches of taint.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
