Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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