gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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