marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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