Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
