I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
