Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
