you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
