That's when you crack a 10am beer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
