we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
