i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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