Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
