The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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